Once upon a time there was an age where the world was a beautiful place to live. Women behaved liked women and men behaved like men. They were called ladies and gentlemen. But in today’s society, that is no longer the case. It seems that there are no more modern gentlemen left, something I am trying to become.
The modern man is currently stuck somewhere on a spectrum between two extremes: the “manly” man and the “girly” man.
The manly man is a strong, muscular, masculine beast. He is the alpha male: dominant, emotionless, fearless, and insensitive. Don’t expect him to cry. This is the ideal most men look up to, especially in American culture (try watching an American truck or jeans commercial).
The girly man is a skinny, emotional, feminine soul. He is sensitive, cares, and truly feels. He cries both on the inside and out. This is the ideal the majority of men look down on in America, but is very popular in other areas in the world like Asia.
The two can be easily distinguished in a simple way: how they handle their emotions. The manly man is devoid of emotions (“feminine” emotions like sadness, sympathy, etc…) while the girly man is overwhelmed by them.
The problem with the manly man is that he is out of touch with his emotions. He is in emotional denial. The problem with the girly man is that he is too emotional. He is paralyzed by his emotions. Both are very unhealthy. To ignore your emotions and not deal with them is just as immature as letting them control you. There is no magic maturity trigger that occurs when you reach a certain age. To truly be mature, you must have control of your emotions.
Do you know what kind of male doesn’t have control over their emotions? Boys. That is why I say the modern man is still a boy. I know men in their 40s and 50s who, while physically adults, are still boys.
Without emotional maturity, you don’t know yourself and so you can’t treat yourself right. So if the modern man can’t even treat himself right, how can he ever be expected to treat a lady right?
If I were to describe the modern gentleman in one word, it would be grace. By grace, I mean the conscious restraint over too much or too little of something. It’s much like cracking open an egg. Use too much force and you make a mess. Use too little and you’ve wasted your time. It’s all about finding that middle ground, that perfect level of finesse.
The modern gentleman is a balanced blend of the manly man and the girly man. He takes the best of both worlds and leaves out the worst. He is strong, but he also knows when to be weak. Whether he is courting a woman or leading a team, he is graceful in all aspects of life.
The modern gentleman treats himself well. He is well groomed, physically fit, and well dressed at all times. He understands that your appearance is a statement to others and makes a very strong one at every occasion.
The modern gentleman is confident in himself, his abilities, and his direction in life. This is not a misplaced confidence (ie: confidence for the sake of being confident) for that would be arrogance. It is not about asserting perfection or superiority. When you are confident, you don’t need to tell people you are confident. Instead, this is a calm confidence that is felt not verbalized. From the way he greets someone to the way he sits in a chair or handles a problem; it is those little things that paint a picture of confidence or lack thereof.
The modern gentleman knows how to treat himself well and so can treat others just as well. He is a scholar of romance and knows how to deal with people. He opens doors, holds jackets, and pulls out chairs. He knows how to care for a women and how to take a lady out for an evening. He does not juggle many women like some playboy. That is a job left for boys who do not understand the importance of finding the right lady that can enhance your life.
The modern gentleman is charming. He is a natural leader. When he leads, people follow. This does not mean he takes control of every situation. He is content to follow, but he also knows when to take the reins.
The modern gentleman does not have to be rich, but he must be successful in something. It could be his job, his passions or one of his hobbies. To be successful, you must know what it takes to achieve and then do it. Most people don’t know the former and could never dream of doing the latter.
There is no single definition of a modern gentleman. One modern gentleman is not exactly the same as another. It is more of a general framework rather a definitive formula. It is up to you to infuse your personality into it to make it your own.
Likewise, there is no single point on the spectrum from “manly” man to “girly” man that marks a modern gentleman. Instead, it is a narrow range. It is important to note that this range varies from culture to culture. For example, machismo is highly admired in Latin cultures but not in more conservative societies like Asia.
The hallmarks of a modern gentleman are identical to that of a modern lady. And in a similar way, the modern woman has become a girl.
A modern lady is independent. She wants, but does not need a man. She understands that joys of life are best experienced with a companion so she finds a gentleman that completes her in that way.
Yet so many of the women I know seek constant validation and reassurance from other people like their boyfriends. They are not independent, but co-dependent. The majority of the women I meet are not ladies, but girls.
And frankly, I cannot date little girls. I’ve seen scary movies. They frighten me.
