I was asked by a friend what I felt the perfect relationship was. I thought it would be some long answer, but then I realized, the perfect relationship is actually quite simple. The perfect relationship is a relationship that is always getter better and one that can never be stopped.
Most relationships are not good, just “not bad”. People will quickly leave bad relationships, but often will stick around “not bad” relationships. Someone will be with someone “because they make them happy”. In reality, that is a pretty low standard because just about anyone can make you happy. All they have to do is comfort you in need and otherwise not be too annoying. But after a while, that “happiness” fades because that is not true happiness. It is simply the basic human need for comfort and social contact.
The perfect relationship is where you and your partner are growing together by learning about yourselves, exploring what life has to offer, and challenging each other to do so. If you can do that, your relationship will always be getting better.
As you learn more about yourself, you learn about what you want and need out of a relationship as well as learning more about your partner. Then the two of you can give each other what you each need, making the relationship not just enjoyable, but deeply fulfilling. As you explore more of life (ex: travel, music, sports, hobbies, etc…), you uncover new passions and things to do together, making everyday a new adventure to enjoy. Consequently, your relationship is always dynamic and never the same old thing twice.
The perfect relationship does not just make you happy, it is personally fulfilling. And not once in a while, but everyday.
Nobody is perfect. Not me. Not you. So the perfect relationship is not with the perfect person because that is simply not possible.
So what happens when someone is not perfect and makes a mistake? How do you handle it? Most people argue, blame each other, and if it wasn’t too bad a mistake, move on. That is not healthy because the problem is never really dealt with; just complained about. And more importantly, the root of the problem is never identified.
Relationships end when a problem occurs or reoccurs and you reach a crossroads, but nobody wants to do what it really takes to solve the problem. The solution is simply for someone to change for the better. But most people do not want to change. They would rather blame their problems on other people. It is easier but also very immature.
Most people look for perfection in others, but can’t do the same for themselves. They find faults in other people and never think to look at themselves. Rarely is there a problem that is only one person’s fault. Sometimes we wonder why someone does something when in reality, we may be provoking them to do so. I know a girl whose past boyfriends cheated on her. She was convinced all of them were just bad guys. I asked her if she was withholding her physical affection in the relationship. She said yes and in that moment realized she was actually encouraging them to cheat on her by her own actions.
In the perfect relationship, you make an important commitment. You and partner promise that whenever your relationship encounters a problem, the two of you will try your best to change for the better for each other no matter how hard it is. It takes a great amount of honesty with yourself and with your partner, but if you can do that, nothing can stop the relationship because that is the only thing that could you back.
Most people do not know themselves very well and do not want to change. Naturally, it is impossible for them to find the perfect relationship because they are not doing their part to create one.
If I see a relationship or friendship that is no longer growing or fulfilling, I will try to my best to make that person know how we (notice I didn’t say they) need to change and how we can do it because I know I deserve better. If they are too stubborn, I know that they are not right for me.
I hope everyone could have this kind of clarity, especially when it comes to the biggest decision of their life.
